August 20, 2012 in Tips, Advice & Misc.
I am thrilled to see so many black women exercising their God-given choices to expand their dating pools. Because I am a relationship coach, I have spoken to hundreds of women about interracial marriage. Women write to me from all over the country and world for help and I am happy to oblige when and if I can in the way of coaching. Some of these women have never had an issue dating or marrying out. Some have had issues and found it was not for them. But some had never even considered it and had been approached by non black men and found themselves wanting to go for it. Some women were afraid of what their families and friends would think and wanted to explore options.
I am happy to say that most of my clients and friends who worked through a process that includes vetting and patience, found a nice man are happy and some married their suitors. Some found happiness with black men too and I am all for love wherever you find it. I am always seeking out allies and have even approached black women who are in interracial unions to chat or request a photograph. I love to post pictures of weddings, engagements and photographs of regular, everyday, interracial couples. These pictures serve as an inspiration for many black women who never thought that someone like her could attract a good man period, let a long a white man. The pictures show beautiful black women of all skin tones, shapes and sizes.
Although many other black women share my passion to see other black women exercising their choices are thrilled that more and more black women are looking for love interracially; we have met a new opponent. This opponent is not a white racist as we do encounter them via email once in a great while. This opponent is not a black man some of whom have voice serious opposition to black women dating out. This opponent is not even the die-hard black male loyalist who would herself never consider dating a white man and hates that other black women are playing in the snow.
This new but unworthy opponent has made us stand up and take notice that she is here and here to stay. We are prepared to meet her head on to denounce her position and poison. This new opponent is none other than a black woman. She is not just some random black woman who is living and letting live. No, she is the Iron Snowflake. See, she herself is married to a white man. But she is not interested in other sisters following her path. No, not the Iron Snowflake who feels entitled to her unique bliss! She could care less of the plight of other sisters looking for the happiness that she wants to hold on to at all costs.
The Iron Snowflake will advise other black women in an effort to sabotage them, to steer clear of IR relationships. Her insecurity is well disguised confidence building to a sister friend. The Iron Snowflake wants no other black woman to have a white man, that honor belongs to her and her alone among her circles of family, friends and acquaintances. Be afraid, be very afraid of the Iron Snowflake, for she will win your confidence and become your sister friend only to betray you in the end. You will share your worries, your issues, your concerns, your fears your deepest desires to finally take the plunge and date IR in hopes to possibly marry.
The Iron Snowflake will hug you, maybe shed a few tears and be supportive and appear to encourage you. Then, one day the Iron Snowflake will start casually discouraging you. She will try to deter you and encourage you to find a black man and give up finding a white one. Before you know it, you will be back where you started and clueless as to how you got there. But because this sister married to a white guy, she must know what she is talking about and is telling you to give up this hope for a myriad of scheming reasons — all lies in an effort to keep you from getting what she has. I will never understand this mindset.
We should be thrilled that some sisters of a certain generation have become truly liberated and getting theirs. We should be shouting from the rooftops that some have made the pledge to see quality and if they want IR then so be it. But the Iron Snowflake will not have it. Thankfully the younger generations of black girls don’t have the baggage and unreciprocated loyalty to the black community and would never need to seek out counsel from an iron snowflake.
The Iron Snowflake will always show her true pardon the pun, colors. She is a cold, hateful and inconsiderate piece of black coal, suitable for the hypocritical fire that burns within her heart. Iron snowflakes do not melt and as a matter of fact, strike when her irons are at their hottest. Steer clear and vet your friends as well as you vet your mate. Protect yourself, your feelings, you wellbeing and your future happiness.